Those without steady work or living #vanlife will find this route way too easy. But if you're a middle-aged adult who once had enough time to climb before you took on all that responsibility, this is the climb for you. It's got some challenging moves but on short enough sections so as not to spit you off due to your sorry excuse for stamina. Seriously, did you really need that second helping last night? And for god's sake, do some cardio! You disgust me!

Weakened Warrior

Cialis Stud

Dual Threat Duel

Seven Year bItch

Camel Kisser

Destination Dirtpipe

Orange Mocha Frappuccino

Dick Pics

Cig-arete

Pow! Right in the Kisser

Commitment Issues

Marauding Monkeys

Joe's Bloody Finger Pocket

Swipe Right To Match

Feats of Strength

Poison Stoke

Choss Is A Ladder

Simon Says

Wanna Get High

Crack Horror

An Inconvenient Roof

Delicious

Friendzoned

Year of the Karen

Climate Changed

The Phoenix

Malibu's Most Wanted

Family Jewel

Camel Straight

Burn The Wall

Feel The Bern

Gorgeous

Build The Wall

Born on the 4th of July

Luscious

Don't get bogged down on this climb. Be the alpha. Make it your bitch.

Historical note: this climb's first 20 feet (as well as Poison Stoke to the left) were once covered in poison oak. Cut down in 2016.

Before the fire in Nov 2018, this climb began near a large dead tree stump. This climb was, hence, the solution to broken wood. After getting it up to the ledge, traverse left until under the fixed draws. From there, grunt and thrust your way through powerful moves. But don't blow your load too early because if you want to perform, this route requires stamina as well.

Warning: Side effects may include pumpy forearms, Elvis legs, girlish screeching, whippers, flappers, sore tendons, scraped knees, wasp encounters, sweaty hands, cramped legs and bruised egos. Please seek immediate medical attention for pumped forearms lasting more than 4 hours.

Duel your way through a pockety bulge, get a no hamds rest, and then duel your way though a second roof section to the anchors.

The logical progression of Camel Straight. Instead of doing Camel Straight, keep traversing and finish on Pow.

Start on a boulder and go up the orange face.  The crux is at the bottom.  It feels like a boulder problem, once you clip the first bolt and top out onto the slabby part its all 5.6ish to the top.  There is a little bulge after the second bolt so you can't see the next bolt or ancors, but once you pull over it you can see them.

While not necessarily a piece a cake, this climb has some tight sequences but will satisfy if you just relax and take it all in. Seriously, this route really packs a lot of shit into it.

Starts just left of the boulder under the apron. Shares the anchor with Feats of Strength.

The far right side of MtG is so hot right now! No, you're not taking crazy pills, this climb is really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking. But I know what you're saying, "Um, Earth to Brint, it's only 5 bolts." Well, Earth to Meekus, duh, I already knew that! And you're like, "Earth to Brint, you're only saying that. I'm not so sure you did because you were all like 'well I'm sure Mt Project would list the number of bolts' like you DIDN'T know it was a joke!" Either way, get on this climb or are you too cool for school? No excuses like you're bulimic (aka you can read minds), or that you're loco (in which case you can derelicte my balls). Just go send this so you can flash your friends a Blue Steel, Le Tigre, or Magnum from the anchor. Actually, your Magnum is not ready yet. You shouldn't even be talking about it... Oh yeah, the best part of this climb is that you have an option for a Walk Off at the end!

Farthest right route. Climbs the column on the left side cave and crests a bulge at the top.

Should you send Dick Pics? Sure, 9 out of 10 times you're going to get slapped down. But don't let that deter you. You're strong, confident and have the stamina needed to send this climb. And when your belayer gently lowers you back to the ground, you'll know that they were impressed with what they saw. Hell, they may even reciprocate that send.

Start as for Luscious but go right at the top of the slab to clip the first bolt. A fun straight forward climb using pockets and the arete.

Same angle as Luscious but without the deep bucket holds. After clipping the 4th bolt, traverse to the left using the sloper huecos (crux). Save enough for a second crux going from the 5th bolt to the anchor.

Named for the tooth-chipping smack to the face delivered by a popped cam during the cleaning process. Turns out you can find a dentist at 2am if you need to.

Well it starts off easy. Big holds, a stable platform but then the doubts start. Maybe it's that first small crimper. Maybe it's absence of jugs. Maybe it's that it's more sustained than it appeared from the ground and you still got that roof up top. Whatever it is, you're going to be tempted to call take and maybe try another climb. But for those who persevere, there is a pleasant surprise awaiting you.

Sharing the first 4 bolts of Delicious the route heads up easy slab to a big hueco. Then it starts heading right over a bulge to a big hole. Rest here for the crux is next, followed by an easy but exposed finish to chains. Route probably gets its 11a rating for the pure enduro fest required to send. The route sees a lot of sun and can be brutal hot during the summer when shaded areas are more comfortable.

Starts behind the dead tree stump. Climbing above the first set of anchors (45 ft up) is still a bit loose but only like 5.7.

There once was a man named Joe,

To a faraway pocket he'd throw,

But when his hand hit the hold,

His skin did a fold,

And left a bloody flapper for Joe.

Now a man named Johnny can't lead,

And a man named Joe can bleed,

But fear not their fate,

Climb with a clean slate,

For an onsight to this route you need.

Swipe right up some attractive shelves until you can match on the obvious hueco. Then for the ugly face, swipe left. Move through a sustained 3-bolt crux involving shallow holes, a flake, and a throw (some would call desperate) until you get on easier terrain to the anchor. Great for those looking to heel hook up the climb.

Note: Online photos of this climb tend to be more attractive than the climb actually is.

Festivus isn't over until someone redpoints this climb!

Starts just right of the tree stump on the left-facing flake. Climb up to the platform and then up the middle of the flat overhung face. Feel free to air your grievances in the comment section.

This area of the wall was once the home of a 20 ft tall poison oak tree. Now, it has been scrubbed clean and is just itchin' for you to send it!

youtube.com/watch?v=iRS8a8H…

A great climber named Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish once said: Choss isn't shit. Choss is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb, but they refuse. They cling to the ground or the draws or yell take. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.

Start on either Malibu's Most Wanted or Simon Says. About 20 feet shy of the overhang a bolt line will appear between the climbs. Follow this up the overhang to its own anchors.

Naming Cred: Andy Feder

Simon says you need at least 5 fruits for brekkie.

Simon says that if you don't poop first thing in the morning, you are a slave to your body.

Simon says he can't believe how many people have enough money to buy a Sprinter van.

Simon says he's not a climber but rather a slalom water skier/snowmobiler.

Simon says his favorite team is the Baltimore Ravens because he respects the way they run their operations. Also, he's never lived in Baltimore.

Simon say I should name this route after someone who cares but who really climbs in Malibu Creek anyway.

Begin the same as Malibu's Most Wanted, with the high undercling with no feet under the apron. After clipping the first bolt, follow the bolt path up right to a dish (big enough that you can stand in it) just below the overhang. Then climb the steep bulge to a small shelf midway up the overhang. After a quick shake, continue to the anchors.

Hey, man... like I got a real dank climb for you to send, man. It like goes so high you can, like, see Apes Wall from the anchors, man. Just have your belayer wear a helmet until it fully cleans, okay man? And don't bogart this all for your group! Send, send, pass. Don't screw up the rhythm!

Scorpion Crack (FA 2009) re-bolted and reborn on Halloween 2015.

You'll want protection when climbing this dirty little crack horror so a steady line of bolt has your back at the bottom. But unlike your expectations, this crack horror is neither loose nor easy. So don't be like Simon and smack talk this crack horror. Instead treat it with respect and you'll find yourself coming back for more.

Beta tip (just the tip): if you're long enough, you can finish up on this crack horror by enterng in through the backdoor, as opposed to grunting up the arete on the right. The move is a total money shot!

Be sure to redpoint this one before it's underwater and uninhabitable.

Starts just left of the tree at the top of the upper tier of Mt Gorgeous. Traverse in from the right up the diagonal ramp. Face moves lead to a roof that has holds just when you need them. Belayer best positioned leaning against the tree.

One of the best in the park, this route has become very popular.  It begins on the right end of the wall and begins on whitish/tan rock heading up & left up to a large bathtub sized hueco.  From there you go up & out the right side, & power through a steep bulge where you'll find the crux(5.10+)getting to the 7th bolt. The upper 40 feet of this route are on amazing rock and it's only 5.9+.  10 bolts to sport anchors.  Long runners/long draws recommended for bolt #'s 3, 5, 8 & 10.  The pocketed nature of the rock made some bolt placements away from the ideal location.

Perfect climb to take that special you-know-who up. Good luck with that!

15 moves to stop the pump! Any privileged climber daring to set foot on this climb must wear a double mask and face shield (I don't care how long it's been!). The belayer may have a maximum of 2 feet of slack out at any time. Backclipping will met with the strict verbal reprimand. Those ostracizing friends/family for refusing to climb this will be socially rewarded. Any don't even think of breaking these rules or I will call the rangers, Covidiot! Seriously, the crux cannot last forever. Just one more crimp and this climb can go back 'normal', I promise! Also, that jug over there on the right? You can't use that unless you're an elitist politician, even if both your arms are shot!

Due to you heartless bastards driving your Hummers and burning coal to stay warm in the winter, global temperatures rose an extra degree and caused a wildfire to blow through Malibu Creek in November 2018, burning down the tree that gave the former route, Climb It Change, its name (as you'd climb from sun to shade). Actually, the fire kind of helped out! The absence of the tree opened up a path to the top of the wall, adding 7 bolts and a roof to the former climb.

To clip the chains, you may need wings, or at least a long reach.

This line was formerly covered by a tree that leaned against the wall. The tree burned down in the November 2018 fire. This route rose from its ashes.

Don't be hatin'! Now Malibu may not have da street cred of Yosemite, but in deez parts, dis climb is where itz at! Also, grades in Malibu may be a tad easier than Yosemite as well... But don't be hatin'!

Begins the same as Simon Says, on a boulder using an undercling with no feet under the apron. After the first bolt, continue straight up on the left bolt line through the reachy face move crux up to the large hole just before the overhang. Then continue up steep big jugs to the anchors.

Fun route with a very short overhung section.

Start as for Cig-arete and at the 3rd bolt move left to finish on the last 2 bolt of Luscious. The crux is the link up but is pretty straight forward moving across good pockets.

(aka "Bengazi Bitch" or "Rush 'n' Reset")

Link up between Build The Wall and Feel The Bern . You get the crux on both climbs. Start on Build The Wall, but instead of merging with Marauding Monkeys, go up and right towards the fixed draw on Feel the Bern, clipping a single bolt before clipping the fixed draw. Finish on Feel the Bern.

Fact: the top 1% of climbers can climb over 95% of established routes while the bottom 90% can't even lead 5.11c. This is inherently unfair in a free (climbing) society! No one who climbs 40 hours a week should struggle to send this climb.

The route starts off on some easy jugs up a slab (like climbing with a safety net), but the higher up you get, the more taxing this climb becomes. There are some rests to be found but it's all business to the top. A few long draws will help prevent rope drag.

Note: all bolts manufactured in the US by a for-profit corporation.

More than a mere warm-up for other routes on the wall, Gorgeous offers fun movement on slabby to overhanging pocketed rock. Gorgeous climbs the blunt arete that cleaves the wall of Mt. Gorgeous. From the left side of the slabby buttress, pull pockets to a dished recess at mid-height. Moves from right to left lead up under a steep bulge with an assortment of pockets. Pull through the bulge onto the final slab and double mussyhook anchor.

"I ain't paying for those fucking bolts!" said Vicente Fox when he heard this route was going up. The route is Y-UGE! It's the best route in the world. Now some of those Ghetto Wall climbers may try it. But they're not sending their best. Some of them are hangdoggers, some are unsolicited beta sprayers, and well, I'm sure, some of them are good climbers too. And while it may help to have small hands, I guarantee you, this route is big where it counts! And when you get to the anchor, grab it by the mussy! #MakeMtGorgeousGreatAgain

Location: First route as you start up the hill from the base. Merges into Marauding Monkeys at its crux.

This route climbs the pocketed orange and brown face, twenty feet right of K-2. Climb onto a shelf above the base, clip the 1st bolt, and pull pockets over a bulge to more pockets, as the angle eases.

The route starts out vertical on good pockets and gets slightly overhanging by the last bolt (.10-ish).  The crux comes between the last bolt and the anchor on mostly vertical ground (.11?).

Description

Location

Protection

Routes in Mt. Gorgeous